


Your Majesty (Artie x Reader)

by Sinfull_Writer



Category: Shrek (Movies)
Genre: Other, Reader is non-binary, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 10:57:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20526875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinfull_Writer/pseuds/Sinfull_Writer
Summary: (name)'s life changed when they met an ogre, a donkey, a princess and a cat wearing boots. Since then life has been full of adventures and surprises, like now when (name) notices all of their friends starting their separate journeys with creating families. Then another shocking event occurs when Fiona's father, King Harold passes away.Now that the kingdom is in need of a king, (name) joins with Shrek, Donkey and Puss as they head to search for the future king called Arthur. While the boy seems naive and insecure at first, later on (name) starts to notice certain aspects of him that would eventually make him a great king.





	1. Tough Day

(name) woke up as the sun was starting to shine. 'Another day in this unexpected life,' they thought as they began their morning routine by freshening up. While (name) was heading to the couple's room they came across a friend of theirs, a certain cat wearing boots.

"Morning, Puss."

"Morning (name). Heading to the same place?"

"Yup. Ready to help in any way I can."

"Thank you. I think Shrek will need all the help he can get."

"I think he's doing pretty good. For an ogre. Although I wish king Harold would be returning to his duties soon."

"So do I. Have you seen the king lately?"

"Queen Lillian told me there haven't been any changes lately but then again, King Harold has been absent for quite a while, don't you think? I hope things haven't got worse."

"Well, until then we have to settle with the replacement."

As Puss was entering Shrek and Fiona's bedroom, Donkey's kids came flying through the doors. Both of them managed to avoid getting hit by little ones. 

"Oh, they grew up so fast", said Donkey.

"Not fast enough", blurted Shrek as he put down a small flame on his blanket.

Puss leaped onto the bed. "Okay, you have a very full day filling in for the King and Queen. Several functions require your attendance, sir."

"Great! Let's get started." Shrek announced with an enthusiastic look but then immediately pulled the covers over his head and began to snore.

"C'mon, lazy bones, time to get movin'! Aaahhh! You know you need to get yourself a pair of jammies."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first task was the promotion of a knight. Shrek and Fiona walked down the aisle of the church with Donkey, Puss, and (name) following them. Once everyone got to their places, Shrek took the sword and readied himself to knight the nervous-looking man. But so was Shrek nervous since he had no idea what to do. He looked at Puss who showed how to knight a person.

"I knight thee.."

Stab and everyone became shocked.

Shrek turned to look at the wounded knight. "He-he. Oops."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next task was to officiate a ship for the Royal Navy. While Shrek was holding the champagne, he leaned onto the boat and managed to accidentally push it down the ramp. People were startled at the sudden motion and now everyone's attention was on the moving ship.

Suddenly Shrek threw the bottle at the ship creating an enormous hole on the side of the hull and after that, the mainsail was set on fire and the ship started to sink. In a panic, people started to scream and everyone jumped into the water.

(name) couldn't bear to look anymore, so they hid their eyes while hoping things would get better.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After that, the gang headed to the make-up room where Shrek and Fiona were seated while the royal make-up specialist, Raul, was prepared for the task. Donkey, Puss, and (name) stood in front of the couple.

"Well, since you're filling in for one, you might look like a real king and queen. Can somebody please come here and work on Shrek?!

Raul came behind the trio and looked at Shrek for a moment. "I'll see what I can do."

The trio went to wait for the couple to the backstage when suddenly two stiffly clothed ogres came. 

Donkey gasped, "Oh!"

Puss rolled his eyes, "Wow."

(name) looked questionably at the duo and asked, "You both still breathing?"

"Barely", Shrek answered.

Nervously laughing Fiona asked, "Uh, is this necessary?"

Raul, proud of his work, walked in front of Shrek. "Ho, ho. This was quite necessary, Fiona."

"I'm Shrek, you twit."

"Whatever."

"Okay people! This isn't some rehearsal. Let's see some hustle."

"Smiles everyone, smiles!"

"Don't worry. It will be over soon", (name) said to the couple while passing them.

As the trio entered the ballroom, Donkey headed towards the food tables leaving (name) and Puss alone.

"I wish this would end sooner", (name) muttered.

"Me too. I'm not quite sure how long can Shrek handle this."

"Tell me about it. I would have gone mad if I would have to wear something as uncomfortable as that." 

"Maybe not that but I bet you would look gorgeous with fancier clothes."

"Thank you, Puss but I can promise you that day will never happen. Besides once the king is back to business, we can go back home."

"And what about then?"

"Well, I'm sure Shrek and Fiona will head back to their swamp. Donkey continues taking care of his kids and-"

"No, (name), I was talking about you. What will you do after all of this is over?"

(name) paused to think for a moment until they came to the realization. "I haven't actually thought about it."

"No need to rush. Was just wondering and remember, you can always ask for help."

"Thanks, Puss."

"Dear guests, Princess Fiona, and Sir Shrek." The audience started to clap but when the curtains opened, silence fell as everyone saw Shrek's butt which was scratched by some servant's stick.

Fiona looked around nervously until she called Shrek who remained oblivious of the stares. Fiona tried again to get his attention but in vain. Then she shouted at him and he finally noticed the crowd and froze. Shrek laughed nervously and then sighed deeply which managed to snap his buckle of the belt off sending it to fly across the room hitting Donkey's eye. 

Donkey stumbled through the crowd screaming, "Ow! Ow! My eye! My eye!" and managed to grab a hold of a lady who screeched, "What are you doing?!" She pushed him aside who fell knocking over a guard with an ax.

The guard dropped his ax which flew past (name) and Puss knocking the pillar close to Shrek. The flower on top of the pillar flew towards Fiona who managed to catch it but in the meantime, the water managed to spill out from the vase which caused Fiona to fall over. 

Then Shrek's tuxedo bib slapped him right across the face and his trousers fell off to his ankles. Shrek ribbed the collar off and shuffled towards Fiona while calling her but the ogre tripped over his pants and hit a loose plank on the stage. The servant beside Shrek was sent to fly when he got caught up by getting his jacket tuck on a banner pole. 

Shrek managed to catch up to Fiona but they were far from safe. As the servant's jacket tore apart, he fell on another servant who was holding a plate of flaming skewers. The skewers flew across the room and hit around Donkey catching the curtains on fire. Donkey oblivious the danger looked at one of the skewers and cheerily blurted, "Oh, Shrimp! My favorite" and blew the skewer while taking a bite.

The crowd runs in panic and the fire widened across the stage detaching the Far Far Away shield which dropped on the stage breaking it in half. The whole stage collapsed in the middle and the buffet tables slid down as well as Shrek and Fiona on the other side. Then one of the trays flew straight to Shrek's face covering him with food.

(name) watched the scene with Puss while sighing deeply. King Harold's presence was desperately needed. 


	2. Long Live The King

After helping to clean the mess, (name) went to one of the castle's balcony to catch a breath. They often sat there on a marble bench while admiring the views of Far Far Away.

As the sun was setting her mind wandered back to the conversation they had with Puss. "_What will you do after all of this is over?" _While the most obvious answer was to continue their adventures with Shrek, Donkey, Puss, and Fiona, it seemed that things wouldn't be going back to the way they used to be. Anything could happen and it scared (name).

'I'm sure we'll stick together' (name) thought by themselves. They stared at the sunset and then closed their eyes for a while to let the mind wander.

"(name)!"

(name) opened their eyes and saw Donkey and Puss running to them.

"What's the matter?"

"The King!" Puss answered.

_Dear, God. Don't let the worse happen._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All of them gathered around King Harold who was lying on his lilypad-bed looking ill.

"I'm dying", said King Harold and coughed.

Queen Lillian came closer to her husband and stretched her finger, "Harold."

King grabbed it, "Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian."

"Of course Darling."

After giving another few coughs, the king turned to his daughter, "Fiona."

"Yes, Daddy?"

"I know I have made many mistakes with you."

"It's okay."

"But your love for Shrek has taught me so much", the king said and then looked his son-in-law, "My boy, I'm proud to call you my son."

"And I'm proud to call you my frog...king dad-in-law."

"Now, there is a matter of business to attend to...", but then the king started to cough and shake until he passed out.

Puss removed his hat, "The King is dead."

Fiona started to cry but then the king somehow woke up and started to cough again.

Everyone was shocked then Donkey whispered to Puss, "Put your hat back on, fool."

The king was having a hard time breathing, "Shrek, come hither."

Shrek gave to Fiona a reassuring look and moved closer to King.

"Yes, Daddy?"

The Kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are the next in line for the throne."

"Ooh! Next in line? Now you see Dad, that's why we love you. Even on your death-bend, you're still cracking jokes."

The king glared at Shrek.

"Oh, come on Dad. An ogre as a king? I don't think that's such a good idea. There's got to be somebody else? Anybody?"

"Aside from you, there is only one heir."

"Really?! Who is he, dad?"

"His name is....", and then the king finds it hard to talk, "...is...."

"What's his name? What's his name?!"

"...is....", the king started to hyperventilate.

Fiona was afraid. "Daddy!"

Painfully trying to speak again, the king suddenly passed out again with mouth wide open.

The sudden silence was broken when a fly came flying from the king's mouth. It stopped for a while standing on the king's eye when it decided to fly away.

Puss was starting to take his hat off when a tongue catches the fly. Shocked by the sudden action, Puss put his hat back on.

After swallowing the fly, the King continued, "His name is Arthur."

"Arthur?"

"I know you'll do what's.....right" 

Then he passed out.

The queen called her husband, "Harold?"

"Dad? Dad?! Dad."

Donkey whispered to Puss, "Do your thing, man."

As finally, Puss removed his hat, Fiona broke down crying and clung to her husband.

The following day was the gloomiest so far in Far Far Away, as everyone got ready for the king's funeral, the stores and the streets remained empty. Kingdom's flag was lowered and everyone gathered around the king's statue to honor his memories.

The queen set a wooden box on top of the lily pad and sent it floating across the water. As everyone stood there dealing with their enormous grief, (name) looked up to the sky and closed their eyes as the rain started to fall.


	3. Worcestershire

It took for a while to get over the sudden loss of the former king but since the new heir was needed to Far Far Away kingdom, Shrek, Donkey, Puss, and (name) all prepared for another adventure.

As everyone gathered to the docks to bid farewells to their friends and loved ones, (name) walked closer to the queen, "How are you, Your Majesty?"

"Oh, thank you (name) but don't worry. I'll heal."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be any use for your husband in his last remaining days."

"Nonsense. You helped him with Shrek in more ways he could ever ask for. And now, you can help him by bringing the new heir."

"I will, Your Majesty."

The captain blew the horn and shouts: "All aboard!"

"(name)! Come on already!" Shrek shouts.

(name) turned to look the queen once more, "I'll be off then."

The queen hugged (name), "Good luck."

Surprised by the sudden action (name) froze for a while until they returned the hug. They parted and (name) rushed to the ship.

As the ship sets to sail Donkey's kids flew across the sky spelling _Love you Daddy_ which made everyone awe.

"Bye-bye babies", Donkey called.

And they were off until Fiona calls for Shrek, "Shrek!"

Shrek turned around to look at his wife and leaned against the rail shouting, "Yeah?"

"Wait!"

"What is it?"

"I'm...I'm..." but she was cut off by the sudden loud noise that came from the ship captain's horn.

"I love you too, honey."

"No! No, I said I'm pr-." Shrek had enough. He took the horn out of the captain's hands and threw it away, "You're what?"

"I said I'm pregnant."

Delighted by the news everyone cheered except Shrek.

"Uh, what was that?"

"You're going to be a father."

Nervously laughing Shrek shouted, "That's great."

"Really? I'm glad you think so. I love you."

"Yeah...Me too..you."

Well, at least Donkey was delighted by the news. "I'm going to be an uncle. I'm going to be an uncle. I'm going to be an uncle!"

"And you, my friend, are going to be royally...", but before Puss managed to finish his sentence, another horn cut him off.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the following morning, everyone woke up by the Shrek's sudden scream.

Donkey, up already, came closer to Shrek. "Shrek! You okay?"

Puss and (name) joined in. "What happened?"

As Shrek rose up and headed to the ship's railing. "I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happen?"

"Allow me to explain. You see, when a man has certain feelings for a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him and-"

"I know how it happened. I just can't believe it", said Shrek frustrated and then walked away.

Donkey turned to Puss and asked, "So, how does it happen?"

Puss rolled his eyes and decided to leave things be.

Shrek leaned against the ship's rail and looked at the horizon when Donkey appeared next to him and started to sing, "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon. Little boy and the man in the moon. When you coming home, son? I don't know when but we'll get together then, Dad-"

"DONKEY! Can you just cut to the part where you're supposed to make me feel better?"

"Hey, Boss. I love Fiona too. But what I'm talking about is you, me, my cousin's boat, an ice-cold pitcher of mojitos, and two weeks of nothing but fishing."

As Puss was casting an imaginary rod into the ocean, (name) glared at him. "And how's that supposed to help?"

Donkey interrupted, "Don't you listen to him. Listen, having a baby is not going to ruin your life."

"It's not my life I'm worried about. It's the kid's", Shrek admitted, "I mean...when have you ever heard the phrase 'as sweet as an ogre' or 'as nurturing as an ogre' or how about 'you're going to love my dad. He's a real ogre'.

"Okay, okay we get it! Nobody said it was going to be easy but at least you got us to help you out."

"That's true. I'm doomed."

"You'll be fine."

"You're going to be a great father. You just got to have a little faith in yourself, that's all", (name) reassured while coming to the realization that this might be the last adventure with the gang. As much as they wanted to just support soon-to-be-father, (name) couldn't help but feel gloomy over the fact that they might end up alone, again.

Before anyone would say anything someone interrupted their thoughts, "You'll be finished."

Everyone turned around to see the captain standing behind them who corrected his statement, "Uh, I mean with your journey." He pointed to the shore where a castle standing on a cliff.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they were standing at the entrance of the castle Donkey read the sign that was hanging above them, "Wor-ces-ter-shire, now that sounds fancy!"

"It's Worcestershire", Shrek corrected.

"Like the sauce? Mmmm....it's spicy!"

The drawbridge was lowered which made Donkey excited, "Ooh! They must be expecting us."

As they were about to cross the bridge (name) heard horse whinnies from behind and shouted, "Look out!" In the nick of time, everyone managed to step aside when a school bus stormed by. Obnoxious screams were heard from the bus as they passed the unusual gang.

"What in the shista-shire kind of place is this?" Donkey questioned.

Shrek blurted, "Well, my stomach aches, and my palms got sweaty."

"Oh, please don't say it's-", (name) begged.

"Must be a high school."

"High school?" Donkey questioned.

(name) sighed deeply.

On the front of the entrance was a group of girls wearing skirts and holding pom-poms in their hands. "Ready!? Okay! Wherefore art thou headed, to the top? Yeah, we think so, we think so! And dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped? Nay, we think not! We think not!"

The gang passes a couple of students who freaked out once they saw Shrek. One female student starts to scream and run away. Shrek, (name) and Puss rolled their eyes at action and turned to look at the other direction where one student was learning to ride a carriage but lost the control and crashed into something. They passed a carriage where a couple of students came out while thick smoke emerged out.

Nervous Donkey was following the gang while looking at his sides and stopping once in a while, "I'm already starting to feel nauseous from memories of wedgies and swirlies."

Puss turns to look at Donkey and asked, "Since how did you receive wedgies when you are not wearing underpants?"

"Let's just say some things are better left unsaid and leave it at that."

Seeing two female students near the gang approached the duo but instead staying to hear what they have to say, both of them fled. Then they approached male students who were sitting on a bench playing a board game.

Shrek interrupted them and asked, "Hi, we're looking for someone named-"

But one of the boys decided to be smart-ass interrupting Shrek. "Gee, who rolled a pause nine dork spell and summoned the beast and the quadrupeds?" The other boy started to laugh at his comment until his nose bled.

"Look, I know you're busy, not fitting in but can neither of you tell me where I can find Arthur?"

"He's over there", said the boy and pointed at the sports field where someone was readying themselves to the match.

A confident-looking knight charged with their steed against their opponent who was someone wearing a cheap copy of armor while sitting on top of a wooden horse. As the knight hit his market (name) and the gang witness the opponent flying through the air and landing near their feet with a loud thud.

The knight took his helmet off revealing his face and looked victoriously at his friends declaring, "Haha! There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory!" The group of jocks joined in his celebration, "Oy! Right! Ooh! Ooh!"

With a pondering look on their face (name) said, "He reminds me of someone."

"You mean the former King", Donkey tried.

"Nope."

"Oh come on, (name)! Strong, handsome, face of a leader, does Arthur look like a king material or what?"

"Ugh!" someone shouted beneath Shrek's feet.

"Oh. Sorry", said Shrek and took his feet off.

As the boy managed to be able to breathe again, he asked, "Did you say you were looking for Arthur?"

As they were all passing him, Puss said, "That information is on a need of to know basis."

"Top secret. Hush-hush", Donkey added.

(name) remained close to the boy when they offered him a hand with a gentle smile. "Need help?"

The boy grabbed their hand and (name) pulled him up. "Thanks."

"Oh. Don't mention it. You sure are alright? That fall seemed nasty."

"Don't worry. I'm used to being a punching bag."

"Well then, when you want to be the striker, let me know and I'll show you some moves, okay?"

"Thanks. Say why are you looking for Arthur? Is he in trouble or something?"

(name) looked at Shrek who was discussing with Arthur and then turned back at the boy. "I'm sorry but can't tell. See ya!"

As (name) came closer they noticed Shrek tossing Arthur over his shoulder and started to walk away.

Arthur tried to escape from Shrek's hold. "Unhand me, monster!"

But Shrek managed to keep a good grip on him. "Stop squirming Arthur."

"I'm not Arthur."

Everyone paused for a while and Shrek lifted him up. "I am Lancelot. That dork over there is Arthur", and he pointed at the owner of the wooden armors who stopped for a while but when Shrek called him, he ran off.

The gang tried to catch up with the real Arthur when suddenly they're stopped by the female student they met before and her friends. Deciding to ignore the conversation between Shrek and the student (name) smirked while watching Arthur go.


	4. The Speech

As they manage to get away from a group of teenagers, they walked along the halls calling Arthur. "Oh, Arthur! Come out, come out wherever you are", Shrek shouted.

Suddenly they heard loud banging inside a locker. (name) approached the locker and opened the door where they found Donkey who startled looked around until he saw a couple of teenagers snickering behind a pillar. "That's right! You better run, you punk no good Knicks", Donkey shouted at the teenagers who run off to assembly hall.

(name) noticed a piece of paper on Donkey's back that says I Suck-eth. Deciding to end his misery they tore the paper which caused Donkey to yelp, "Hey!" but when (name) showed him the paper Donkey said, "Thank you (name)."

"No problem. Although, next time watch your back."

The gang approached the assembly hall when a guy comes to stop them. "Ah, hold it."

Then two students wearing costumes came. "We're here for the mascot contest." The guy lets them in which gave Shrek an idea.

"Uh, we're here for the mascot contest too."

But the guy was not buying it as he pulled Shrek's cheek. "Ugh, is this a costume?"

"Aye....worked it all night long."

"Looks pretty real to me."

Puss stretched his claws while asking, "If it were real could I do this?" and grabbed Shrek's leg.

Shrek groaned in agony but tried his best to keep it together.

"Or this?" Donkey asked and kicked Shrek to his stomach.

Enduring the pain Shrek said, "If it were real that would have been agonizingly painful."

"Now watch this!"

"That's enough boys!"

The guy still questioned them when (name) tried to persuade him. "Look. Less harm will be done if you just let us through."

"Fine", the guy said and stepped aside.

Someone teacher was speaking through the horn until the gang stepped inside making everyone gasp at them. "Ogre?" the teacher questioned.

"That's right, I'm the new mascot. So let's beat others at...whatever it is they're doing."

The school band started to play and the hall was filled with music and clapping sounds from the crowd. As (name) tried to look for Arthur, Shrek grabbed the horn from the teacher who tried to scold Shrek. Shrek raised the horn to his mouth and asked, "Now, where can I find Arthur Pendragon?"

The music stopped playing and everyone was suddenly silent until all of them pointed behind the gang's back. The gang turned around and saw Arthur being hanged on basketball's hoop.

"Hey, wait! Uh!"

Everyone laughed and Arthur had no other choice than float in his embarrassment.

"Classic", says Lancelot and does the fist bump with the guy next to him.

Donkey tried to start a fight, "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

But Lancelot looking innocent answered, "I didn't do it. They did", and pointed at the two nerds, who they met earlier, snickering until one of them's nose started to bleed again. The laughing continued.

(name) sighed and said, "Shrek. We need to get going." Nodding in agreement Shrek reached up to Artie and pulled him down.

"Please don't eat me", Artie begged, and then suddenly everyone around them started chanting, "Eat him. Eat him. Eat him Eat him.

Both Shrek and (name) were glaring all of them while Shrek yanked Artie down and shouted, "I'm not here to eat him!" The crowd sighed in disappointment.

Shrek turned to Artie and released him. "It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new King of Far Far Away."

Confused Artie asked, "What?"

Everyone else couldn't also believe their ears when suddenly Lancelot broke the silence. "Ha-ha! Artie a king? More like the mayor of Loserville." Then everyone started to laugh again.

Arthur looked at other students sadly but then turned to Shrek and asked still skeptical, "Is this for real?"

"Absolutely. Now clean out your locker, kid. You've got a kingdom to run", said Shrek and started to leave when Arthur interrupted him.

"So, what? I'm the only heir?"

"The one and only."

"Give me uh just a second", Artie said and walked to the center of the assembly hall. "My good people, I think there's a lesson here for all of us. Maybe we the next time you're going to dump a kid's head into a chamber pot, you'll stop and think hey, maybe this guy has feelings. Maybe I should cut him some slack. Because maybe, just maybe this guy's gonna turn out to be uh I don't know, a king! And maybe his first royal decree would be to banish everyone who ever picked on him. That's right, I'm looking at you, jousting team", and he points at Lancelot and his buddies, "and Gwen. Oh, Gwen. I've always loved you."

Gwen didn't look impressed and muttered something.

"Well, good friends it breaks my heart but enjoys your stay here in prison while I rule the free world, baby!"

(name) leaned closer to Shrek and said, "We should leave."

Shrek whispered to (name), "Let him."

Then Artie declared, "I'm building my city people! On rock 'n roll!

"Now?" (name) asked.

"Now", said Shrek and yanked Artie with them.


	5. Off To The Rocky Start

As the Worcestershire became more and more distant, the gang with the new heir on their side headed back home. Artie was with Shrek at the bow part of the ship while (name) was close to the captain reading the map and slightly paying attention to the conversation the new heir had with Shrek and others. "I can't believe it. Me a king? I-I mean I knew I came from royalty and all but I just figured everyone forgot about me."

Shrek turned to him and said, "Oh, no, in fact, the King asked for you personally."

"Really? Wow! Look, I know it's not all gonna be fun and games."

"It really is fun and games actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes and launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle."

"Boat with a bottle? Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle."

"Well, I have heard it's harder than it looks."

Then he notices (name) starting at him with a smirk to which Shrek answers with a glare.

"Whoah! This is gonna be huge. Parties, princesses, castles. Princesses."

"It's gonna be great, Artie! You'll be living in the lap of luxury. They got the finest chefs around waiting for you to place your order", Donkey said with enthusiasm.

Then Puss joined in by hopping on the rail and said, "And fortunately you'll have the royal food tasters."

Fascinated Artie asked, "Oh yeah? What do they do?"

"They taste the food before the King eats to make sure the food is not poisoned."

"Poisoned?"

Shrek noticed the concern on Artie's face and tried to reassure him, "Or too salty."

But Donkey continued by making things worse. "Don't worry about it. You'll be safe and sound with the help of your bodyguards."

"Bodyguards?" Artie questioned.

"All of them willing at a moment's notice to lay down their lives out of devotion to you", said Puss.

"Really?"

"All kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance."

"Just make sure they don't die of famine."

"Or the plague."

"Oh, the plague is bad."

"The coughing, the groaning, and the festering sores."

Shrek awkwardly laughed cutting in pushing Artie aside and then turning to Puss. "Oh! Festering sores. You are one funny kitty cat."

Innocently Puss asked, "What did I say?"

While Shrek was scolding the animal duo, suddenly (name) noticed Artie approaching. "What are you doing?" (name) asked but Artie remained silent and grabbed the wheel but before Artie managed to do something, (name) stepped right in front of him while looking at Artie right to his eyes. "Hands off the wheel."

But Artie was not having it and turned the ship's direction causing everyone to lose their balance and fall to the ground.

"Oh, there goes my hip", complained the captain who slid across the ground to another side.

(name) took support from the nearest rail and stood up. "Okay, you asked for it", said (name), and went behind Artie taking a hold of him but Artie stomped on her left foot causing (name) to release him. "Goddammit!" (name) cursed and fell to the ground with the others.

Shrek went to Artie and shoved him aside taking the control. "Artie! What are you doing?!"

Artie stood up ramming a stick into a wheel. "What does it look like?" and the ship stopped. Artie shoved Shrek back and took the wheel.

Shrek went behind him and grabbed the wheel shoving Artie aside. "This isn't up to you!"

"But I don't know anything about being a king!"

"You'll learn on the job!"

Puss desperately tried to keep Donkey still until both of them slid across the deck. (name) tried to stand up but the constant sudden turns made it hard and their foot was still aching from the pain.

"Sorry to disappoint you but I'm going back!" Arthur said.

Shrek turned to him and scoffed, "Back to what? Being a loser?!" and snap! The wheel was yanked off the ground.

"Now look what you did!"

"Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel, chief?!"

(name) took hold of the ramp and stood up when they noticed the same thing that Donkey saw. "SHREK!" Donkey shouted.

Ahead of them were jagged rocks.

"Great", (name) muttered while reading for the impact.


	6. Meet Mr. Merlin

As they managed to get to the beach while being soaking wet and cold, (name) crashed down on the sand exhausted with Shrek, Donkey, and Puss who shook his fur which then became puff. "How humiliating", Puss complained.

Artie, on the other hand, continued walking past them.

Shrek, not done with their fight, shouted at Artie. "Oh, nice going, Your Highness."

Artie turned around and argued back, "Oh, so now it's "Your Highness"? What happened to loser, huh?"

"Here we go again", (name) sighed to themselves while standing up.

"Hey! If you think this is getting you out of anything, well it isn't", Shrek argued while approaching Artie who was rolling his eyes, "we're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another and you're going to be a father!"

"What?" (name) questioned.

"What?" Artie asked.

Donkey cleared his throat and whispered to Shrek, "You just said father."

"You're- I said king! You're gonna be king!"

"You're gonna be king! Yeah right." Then Artie left.

Starting to lose his temper Shrek shouted, "Where do you think you're going?"

"Far Far Away...from you!"

"You get back here young man and I mean it!" But Artie kept going.

Shrek turned to (name) saying, "Okay, (name). Your turn."

"What?" (name) asked.

"He's a teenager and you're a teenager. Go and talk to him some sense!"

"You can't be serious."

"(name)!"

"Look, this was expected. We just need to let him cool off for a while. I mean you didn't really think he was happily going to accept the job after learning the responsibilities and hardships of his job?"

"Of course not but we don't really have a choice. The kingdom is waiting for him!"

"I know but you can't just expect him to be mentally prepared before he thinks it through which reminds me of a certain someone who's also having a hard time accepting the sudden change of his life. I wonder how's that guy doing", and after that (name) went ahead to catch up with Artie.

"Artie! What for a bit, okay?" (name) shouted after spotting him. Artie didn't say anything but slowed down allowing them to catch up.

"So, that was interesting, right?" Artie didn't reply.

(name) sighed and continued, "Look, Shrek has a bad habit of saying things he doesn't really mean but trust me. Once this is over, you'll beg for the guy to not leave you."

"It's not just about that. I'm sorry, I know you traveled a long way to find me but I'm not the person you were looking for."

"What makes you think that?"

"Cause I don't know a single thing about being a king."

"Don't worry. You're not alone. The people back at the kingdom know you didn't grow up to be a king, and they are there to help you", (name) said and turned to look at Artie smiling. Artie looked back and smiled as well.

"Besides it's not like you're going to fail as Shrek did."

"What?"

"Nothing! My point is you're off to a great start of becoming a king."

"How?"

"Because many kings and queens have failed at their jobs by claiming to know everything even though they only knew about the life they were born into, but you had a chance of living as a normal teenager. You know what's life like outside the palace, and that's something many kings and queen don't know."

Artie paused to think and then looked at (name) smiling. "Thanks."

"Artie!" Shrek shouted and approached them. Artie started to walk leaving (name) behind.

Shrek passed (name) while Donkey and Puss came closer to them. "How did it go?" Puss asked.

"Like I said. He needs time."

Then Shrek gave an attempt to communicate with Artie. "Listen, Artie. If you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof or ever. But what I am screamin' is, yo...check out this kazing thazing, bazaby!"

Donkey, Puss, and (name) looked at each other questionably but none of them dared to interrupt.

"I mean if it doesn't groove or what I'm saying it ain't straight trippin', say Oh, no, you didn't You're getting on my last nerve. And I'll know it's...I'll know it's wack." Then Shrek got hit by a tree branch. "OW!"

"Help! Somebody help!" Artie shouted and ran to a cottage ahead of them, "I have been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!"

Shrek followed him saying, "Artie! Artie! Wait. Wait. Wait." Donkey, Puss, and (name) came along with him.

Artie went to a door and banged to the door. "Come on! Come on! Help! Hello?" Suddenly a shiny light beamed out of a small lantern. Donkey and Puss got startled.

Everyone stepped back to look at the big hologram of someone's face. "Greetings, fellow cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle!"

Everyone looked at the huge head with a questionable look on their faces while the hologram continues its monologue. "Please, leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex and now, prepare-!"

Suddenly the hologram vanished leaving everyone even more confused until soon an old man came out. "Awh! I knew I should've gotten that warranty", and hit the lantern which caused it to strike small bolts of lightning at him.

"Mr. Merlin?" Artie wondered out loud.

"You know this guy?" Shrek asked.

"Yeah, he was the school's magic teacher until he had his nervous breakdown."

Correcting Merlin joined the conversation, "Uh, technically I was merely a victim of level three fatigue and at the request of my therapist and the school authorities, I've retired to the tranquilizes of nature to discover my divine purpose." Then a fly landed on his head and he slammed it.

Shrek, Artie, and (name) changed looks.

"Now, can I interest anyone in a snack or a beverage?" Merlin asked.

"Uh, no", Shrek answered.

"Sure you don't want to try my famous rock-o-gratin?" he asked while offering some pebbles on a metal bow and placing one serving into his mouth. "It's organic!" he said with bloody teeth.

"Oh, no thanks. I just ate a boulder on the way in. What we need are directions back to Far Far Away", said Shrek and grabbed Artie by the arm.

"What's with the 'we'? Who said I was going with you?" Artie asked.

"Not this shit again", (name) sighed.

"Oh, I did. Because there is a lot of people counting on you so don't try to weasel out of it!" Shrek said.

"If it's such a great job, why don't you do it?"

"Understand this, kid. It's no more Mr. Nice Guy from here on out."

"Oh, so that was your Mr. Nice Guy?"

"I know and I'm going to miss him."

"You know what? Why don't you go terrorize a village and leave me alone!"

"Oh, is that some kind of crack about ogres? You get your royal ass back to Far Far Away before I kick it there", then Shrek turned to Merlin and asked, "now, which way I am kicking?"

"Oh, I could tell you but since you're in a midst of self-destructive rage spiral, it would be comically irresponsible."

"Self-destructive rag? Look, are you going to help us or not?"

"Most definitely but only after you took a journey to your souls."

(name) raised their eyebrow while Shrek stated, "Yeah, I don't think so."

"Look, pal, it's either that or some primal scream therapy. Aaahh-!"

Shrek shushed him with his hand. "Alright. Alright. Journey to the soul."


	7. Journey To The Soul

The night came and everyone gathered around the campfire when Merlin started the session. "Now, all of you look into the fire of truth and tell me what you see!" He threw something to the fire which created a big smoke while chanting something.

Donkey and Puss leaned in and Donkey started to name things he saw, "Ooh! Charades! Ok, I see a...a dutch fudge torte with cinnamon swirls."

"Ok, monster. Go for it!"

Sighing deeply and rolling his eyes Shrek gave in and went closer to the fire. He saw something which made him panic as he tried to blow out the fire and answered with awkward laughter, "I see a rainbow pony."

"Excellent work! Your turn", Merlin said and pointed at (name).

"I don't think so", (name) answered.

"No exceptions. Look at the fire."

(name) glared at the old man for a while until they snarled, "Okay, okay. I see a pack of wolves. Running. Now one of them leaves the pack. Then another wolf parts. Then another. Then another. Finally, there's only one wolf. It's alone, howling", (name) stopped and looked at the others who all had a concerned look on their faces. "(name)", Shrek started.

"Okay, my part is done. Next!"

"That's the spirit! Now the boy", Merlin pointed.

"This is lame", Artie muttered.

Merlin smacked Artie's head. "You're lame! Just go for it!"

Artie sighed deeply and looked at the flames. "Ok. There's a baby bird and a father bird sitting in a nest."

Merlin took his bongo and started drumming it to create the atmosphere. "Yes, yes. Stay with it."

"Wait, the dad bird flew away. Why did he leave the little bird alone?"

Everyone looked at Artie as he continued explaining his vision, "It-it's trying to fly but it doesn't know how." The drumming speeds.

"It's going to fall." and then he looked away.

Merlin stopped the drumming and said, "Proper head-case you are. Really messed up. Woah." Then Merlin headed to his cottage and shut the door.

Everyone turned to look at Artie. "Yeah, yeah. OK! The bird is me. My dad left. So what?"

(name) turned to look at Shrek while Donkey nudged him, both motioning him to talk with Artie.

(name) stood up and said, "You guys have fun chat while I go for a walk." As (name) walked away, they stop for a while to listen to the conversation and turned to look at Artie who seemed to warm up to Shrek as he smiled. (name) smiled as well and continued their walk.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(name) was stretching their muscles as they did various moves to clear their minds. Suddenly they heard the shuffle of leaves behind a bush. Without wasting any moment (name) threw a dagger at the direction of sound which hit onto a tree.

"AAAHHHH!" someone shouted.

(name) approached the bush. "I thought there was no way it could have been Puss but wouldn't have guessed it to be you."

"Hi", Artie said while awkwardly laughing.

(name) came closer to him and offered their hand which Artie gladly took. (name) yanked him to his feet. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought about checking you. Others are sleeping so you should also come back."

(name) went to yank the dagger out of three and said, "Oh, I was going to but you know someone has to stay up."

"Does it have to be you?"

"Oh, are you concerned about me?" (name) asked sarcastically. 

"Yes, but that's not the reason why I am here! The thing back at the fire, you seemed shaken up."

"Ah, don't worry about it. Just some silly thoughts that keep bothering me. They will go away. Trust me."

"Okay but remember that you can always come and talk to me. I might not be the best to give advice but I'm good at listening."

"Thanks, Artie."

"Now if I will stay in the watch, will you come back and go to sleep?"

Smirking (name) approached Artie saying sarcastically, "Yes, Your Majesty", and they swept his feet off the ground causing him to fall.

"Hey-!" Artie said when (name) silenced him by placing a sword near his throat.

"That was for stomping on my foot back the boat."

Artie pushed the sword aside and stood up. "Okay, fair enough."

(name) hit him to his stomach and swept his feet again. "Guess I have to teach some moves to you if you think you'll be able to stay up for the night."

"But I need a sword", Artie said and stood up.

"I'm not going to give you a sword."

"Then, how am I going defend myself if I don't have a sword?"

"Improvise."

Artie looked around until he notices a large tree branch and took it. Artie charged but (name) swung the branch away.

Artie charged again but in vain. This time (name) charged and stopped their sword at his chest. "Again."

Artie swung the branch which (name) blocked multiple times until Artie managed to hit (name). "Very good. Again." They continued their fencing lesson while laughing until they grew tired and headed back to camp.


	8. Back To Far Far Away

As the morning came (name) woke up after sensing someone else awake. (name) rose up and rubbed their faces a couple of times. They noticed Shrek up as well standing up and while a bird was chirping close. (name) looked at Artie who was still sleeping peacefully.

Suddenly the chirping stopped. (name) turned to look around but they didn't see anybody. Shrek seemed to have noticed this as well as. Then the threes started to move and they approached the gang. The log Artie used as a pillow, rose up while hitting Artie on the head and turned to look at Shrek. Soon Puss and Donkey woke up as well when Donkey screamed. The trees surrounded the gang blocking all the ways of escaping. Suddenly a group of men dragged a piano with the player with it.

"Look out! They got a piano!", Donkey shouted while backing away.

The player turned out to be Captain Hook who turned to look at the gang while pointing his hook. "Kill 'em all except the fat one. King Charming has something special in mind for you, ogre."

"King Charming?"

"Attack!"

Suddenly more pirates arrived jumping from trees and behind Merlin's house. Shrek managed to catch one of them and threw him at the side. Then seeing Artie having troubles with a one pirate, he shouted, "Artie! Duck!." He pushed him down then lift him. Artie kicked at the pirate who fell on the ground. Then Donkey screamed in panic when a pirate approached him but Puss jumped on Donkey's back and blocked the pirate's attack.

(name) was surrounded by three pirates. They waited patiently for them to attack but when none of the pirates charged at them, they took some sand on the ground and threw it at one of them. The pirate agonized the pain. He rubbed his eyes while charging at (name) mindlessly swinging his sword. (name) docked and tackled him. The other two pirates came charging at them but (name) managed to disarm them. Then they punched them hard which caused both of them to fall to the ground.

Hook was continuing playing piano when he noticed Merlin beside him playing and pushed him aside.

Another pirate charged at Shrek but Artie tackled him and sent him flying at Shrek. Shrek saw him and blocked him with his stomach and then he faced another group of pirates.

"Ready the plank!" Hook shouted.

A wooden board was placed on a stone and pirates came at Shrek while pointing their swords backing him all the way up till the end of the plank. Shrek lost his balance and fell onto a treasure chest. A couple of pirates tried to shut the treasure chest but Shrek was far too big to fit nicely inside the chest and struggled back.

Meanwhile, Artie, Donkey, Puss, and (name) were fighting against the pirates but when they all were backed away. Two threes scoop them up in a net trapping them in one place and disarming both Puss and (name). Pirates brought a cannon close to the net readying it to fire. Puss extended his claw and started to cut the rope but it was proving to be quite difficult since the rope of the net was very thick material.

Shrek bushed pirates back while his ass was stuck inside of the treasure chest. Canon's fuse was lit.

"Shrek!" Donkey shouted.

"Help!" Artie yelled next to him.

Shrek wasted no time and came up with a plan. He moved chest right in front of two pirates trapping them inside. Then he lifted the chest and shoved other pirates aside while walking to plank. He threw the chest to another side of the plank and jumped right in front of a canon. He tried pushing canon's mouth in the opposite direction. The fuse burned quickly and the ones who were trapped inside the nest prepared for the worst when suddenly Shrek managed to push the canon.

The canon fired hitting Hook's piano and crashes it into pieces. The trees gasped and ran away releasing hostages. The pirates also ran away while Hook stood by shouting at them, "Ya cowards!"

Shrek approached Hook asking, "What has Charming done with Fiona?"

"She's gonna get what's coming to her", Hook threatened while swinging his hook. Then his hook got caught at one of the passing tree's branches while getting dragged with the rest of them. "And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him!"

Everyone came closer to Shrek with worried looks on their faces. "We've got to save her!" Puss said.

"But she's so far far away", Donkey added.

Shrek turned to Arthur and said, "Get yourself back to Worcestershire.

"No, Shrek. Hold on a second. I've got an idea", Artie said and walked to Merlin.

Merlin sat cross-legged while humming, "I'm buzzing bee, buzz, buzz..."

"Mr. Merlin, they need a spell to get them...I mean us, back to Far Far Away."

Merlin got up and stated, "Forget it. I don't have that kind of magic in me anymore, kid. How about a hug instead? That's the best kind of magic."

"Mr. Merlin, please. I know you can do it."

"I said forget it!"

Artie sighed deep and then started to weep. Noticing the young man's grief Merlin came back asking, "Oh. What? What's with you?"

"It's really hard, you know? They need to get back cause their kingdom is in trouble."

Shrek, Donkey, Puss, and (name) changed looks.

"Cause there's a really bad man and it's just so hard!"

"Come on...take it easy."

"No! I don't think you understand!" Artie's weeping grows as he dropped on the ground close to Merlin's feet, "there's a mean person doing mean things to good people."

Shrek joined in the act and went, "Oh, have a heart old man."

Artie grabbed Merlin by his leg and shouted, "They need your help to get them back! So why won't you help him?!"

Merlin shook Artie off and said, "Uh, okay! I'll go and get my things."

Artie stood up clearing his throat. "Piece of cake."

"Well, well, well. You want some eggs with that ham?" Shrek chuckled.

(name) looked at Artie and asked, "You got other tricks up your sleeve?"

"I'll show you someday", Artie answered.

Merlin returned his face stuck at a book. "Now, um, I'm a little rusty. So, there could be some side-effects."

"Side-effects?!" Donkey panicked.

"Don't worry. Whatever is it, no matter how excruciatingly painful it may be, it'll wear off. Eventually", Merlin said and stretched his hands accidentally shooting a bolt of lighting a nearby stone making Donkey scream.

"Whoops."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Donkey asked in concern.

Shrek said, "Look if Artie trusts him that's good enough for me. Even if his robe doesn't quite cover his-"

"Alacrucious, expeditious! A-zoomy zoom, zoom. Let's help our friends get back...um...soon!" The blue glow began to manifest from Merlin's hands covering all of them which moved them to the sky with lightning speed.

The glow faded and everyone fell on the ground while hitting trees on the way down. The first, one to fall on the ground was Shrek. Then Artie falls next to Shrek and on top of him lands (name).

"OW!" Artie says after feeling the impact on his stomach.

"Sorry!" (name) said and quickly came off of him. Artie and (name) looked at each other for a while when they heard Donkey screaming. 

But the person landing was Puss who went, "Oh man. I haven't been on a trip like this since college."

"Donkey?" Shrek asked.

What? Is there something in my feet?" Donkey pointed at himself until he noticed a paw and said, "Huh? What the?" After turning around for while he stopped and stated while grabbing on to Puss's hat, "Oh NO! I've been abracadabra'd into a fancy feasting second rate sidekick!"

Then Puss switched into Donkey, fell next to him and said, "At least you don't look like some kind of bloated roadside piñata. You really should think about going on a diet!"

As the duo argued back and forth Shrek, Artie, and (name) stood up looking confused.

"Yeah, and you should think about getting yourself a pair of pants! I feel all exposed and nasty", Donkey said embarrassed.

Shrek, Artie, and (name) couldn't help themselves any longer and burst out laughing.

Donkey came closer to them looking pissed and asked, "Oh, so you three think this is funny?"

The laughter died. "I'm sorry, guys", Artie said.

"Don't be. You got us back, kid", Shrek said.

As the gang started to head at the kingdom Donkey and Puss struggled to follow them. "How in the Hans Christian Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?" Donkey asked annoyed.

"Hey, hey, hey. Be very careful with those!" Puss told to him when he suddenly screamed like a donkey. "They were made in Madrid by the finest-." Then Puss's legs kicked back and he stopped for a moment.

"You'll learn to control that", said Donkey snorting.

As they reached the city, they passed a sign that said Go Go Away. Donkey whined, "Seriously. OW! You need some comfort inserts or arch supports or something."

As they came to the city they stopped to look around for a while at a place that didn't resemble Far Far Away they knew at all. Apartments were abandoned, streets were empty and not many were seen walking. A horse carriage came charging at them while rocking to its side. One drunken man shouted at the driver and got robbed without him even noticing. Shrek noticed Pinocchio inside a puppet machine and ran to him, "Pinocchio!"

Pinocchio stopped dancing. "Shrek! Help me!"

"What happened?"

"Charming and the villains have taken over everything! They attacked us but Fiona and the Princesses got away and now she's-." but he got cut off by curtains dropping in front him.

"She's what? What?" Shrek shouted until he noticed coin inserter. "Puss, loan me five bucks!"

Donkey turned to look Puss. "C'mon Puss. You heard him. Help the brother out."

"Do you see any pockets on me?"

"Hold on a second", Donkey said and grabbed the boot turning it upside down and dropping a bag of coins, "Aha!"

Shrek grabbed the bag while Puss tried to sound innocent. "I had no idea. I-I swear." Artie and (name) looked at him not believing him.

Shrek inserted a few coins and the curtains rose up. "Quick! Where is Fiona?"

"Charming has her locked away someplace. You gotta find him! He's probably getting ready for the showwww!" Pinocchio explained until he was once again cut off by the curtains.

"Wait, wait, wait! Pinocchio! What show?"

Pinocchio's hand came out under the curtains and pointed at the direction where they discover multiple posters hanging on the wall. On the poster is Charming who is standing on top of Shrek looking victorious. They came closer to the posters while Puss read, "It's a Happily Ever After, After All."

"Shrek's final performance", Shrek added.

"Woah, Shrek! You didn't tell us you were in a play!"

"Well, I guess I've been so busy I forgot to mention it."

"It's the ogre! Get him!" Guards pointed spears at them backing them against the corner when Puss came up with an idea and said, "Don't worry jefe. I got this."

Confidently he went closer to the guards and sat down. His eyes grew larger and sweet while pouting but the guards didn't warm up to him. Instead one of them said, "Ugh! Kill it!"

"Look! Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you!" Artie said. Guards looked at Artie confused but didn't interrupt him.

Shrek joined in the act, "Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs."

Artie ripped a poster from the wall and shoved it to guards, "He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek."

"I'm going to lose it!"

"I assume everything is ready for the night? You did get the list for the dressing room?!"

Donkey came forward. "Yeah, the breakfast croissant stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. Oh, and please tell me you at least have the saffron com with jalapeno honey butter cause our client cannot get his proper emotional state without his jalapeno honey butter!"

"I just lost it", Shrek continued.

Confused one of the guards said to the others, "Uh...maybe they should talk to Nancy in the Human Resources."

"Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise!" Puss said and the gang managed to enter the castle.


	9. Confronting The Enemy

As they entered inside of Charming's dressing room they planned to surprise him. Charming stormed into his room and sat in front of his three-way mirror looking at a statuette of a fairy godmother or to put it in perspective his mother. "Our happily ever after is nearly complete, mummy. And I assure you, the people of this kingdom will pay dearly for every second we've had to wait." Charming adjusted his mirror until he saw Shrek standing close to him and gasped. "Break a leg or on second thought, let me break it for you", Shrek said while approaching him. Artie, Donkey, Puss, and (name) also came from the shadows ready to fight back.

Charming backed against his dressing table. "Thank goodness you're here. I was beginning to think you might not make it back in...time."

Shrek lifted him. "Where's Fiona?"

Charming chuckled answering, "Don't worry. She and the others are safe. For now." Guards came bursting through the door and before anyone could fight back, guards managed to seize them while some guards pointed crossbows at Shrek. Shrek released Charming.

Charming walked over to Arthur. "Hmmm, let me guess. Arthur?"

Trying to struggle free Artie snarled, "It's Artie actually."

"This boy is supposed to be the new king of Far Far Away?" Ignoring Artie's glare Charming started to laugh when he drew a sword and held it against Artie's throat. "How pathetic. Now stand still so I won't make a mess."

Panic grew in (name)'s eyes and before they manage to do anything, Shrek cut in, "Charming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him."

"Then who's it about? I'm supposed to be king, right?" Artie asked confused.

Shrek hesitated for while until he said, "You weren't next in line for the throne, okay? I was."

"But you said the king asked for me."

"Not exactly."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Artie asked for an explanation while glancing at (name) who remained silent.

"Look, I said whatever I had to say, alright? I wasn't right for the job. I just needed some fool to replace me and you fit the bill. So just go!"

"You were playing me the whole time."

"You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought." Donkey tried to interject but Puss stopped him. (name) turned their heads aside.

"I...you know, for a minute there. I thought you-" Artie said but got cut off by Charming.

"What? That he cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect?"

Artie looked at Shrek and (name) one more time before he shook guards off him and slammed doors open. Before he managed to leave (name) turned to look at him to take a good look at him and then he was gone.

Amused Charming turned to look at Shrek. "You do have a way with children, Shrek." Then he signaled guards to lead everyone off separating you, Donkey, and Puss from Shrek. On the way to prison (name) looked at the sky while wondering how far did Artie manage to go, wishing he would be safe.


	10. The Final Battle

The guard opened the gate and threw Donkey and Puss inside the cell while Puss hissed, "Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey!" Then he shoved (name) inside and closed the gate while Donkey shouted, "I got your badge number, tin can."

"Donkey?" a familiar voice asked. Turning around trio notices a red-haired ogre with his mother. "Fiona!" Donkey overjoyed.

"Puss?" Fiona said while being confused.

Puss came forward as Donkey and explained, "Lo Siento, Princessa but I am Puss. Stuck here inside of this hideous body."

"And I'm me!"

"But you're..."

"I know, I know. Everything's little fruity in the loops right now. But what happened is we went to high school and the boat crashed and we got bippity-boppity-booped by the magic man."

"Oh, you poor sweet things", said Doris.

"I don't get it", whispered Cinderella.

"The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get?" Snow White snapped.

"Huh! Who Dat?" Sleeping Beauty asked when she suddenly woke up from her nap.

"Where's Shrek?" Fiona asked.

"Charming's got him and he plans on killing him tonight in front of the whole kingdom."

"He didn't have a choice. Charming got the upper hand and the new heir was in danger so he had to give himself in", (name) said.

"Where's he now?" Queen asked.

"Safe, I hope."

While Fiona became shocked at first she pulled herself together and said, "All right, everyone. We need to find a way out now."

"You're right", Snow White admitted, "Ladies, assume the position." Then all three princesses, Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty, got into their 'waiting for the prince' positions.

"What are you doing?" Fiona questioned.

Sleeping Beauty suddenly woke up from her slumber answering, "Waiting to be rescued." and continued her napping.

"You have got to be kidding me."

Snow White rose up and snapped, "Well, what do you expect us to do? We're just four..." then noticing Doris she corrected, "I mean three super hot princesses, two circus freaks, a love-sick teen, a pregnant ogre, and an old lady!"

"Hmm. Excuse me, an old lady coming through", The Queen said while walking closer to the prison cell's wall. She took a deep breath until she yelled and banged her head against the wall crushing it.

"Woah!" came from everyone's lips as they stared at the Queen in awe.

"Mom?!" Fiona gawked.

"Well, you didn't think you got your fighting skills from your father, did you?"

"Excuse me. There's still one more", Snow White pointed out.

The Queen walked to another wall and crushed it once again by banging her head and they were free. Two headbanging in a row made the Queen feel dizzy as she started to mumble some tune when Fiona walked up to her and whispered, "Why don't you lie down?" Then she turned to us and said, "Okay girls, from here on out, we're gonna take care of business ourselves."

The princesses pondered for a moment but when they glance at one another, they all nod and prepared for the battle; Snow White ripped her sleeves revealing Dopey heart tattoo. Sleeping Beauty tore the bottom of her dress. The Queen masked her cheek with red lipstick while Cinderella sharpened her glass slipper and Doris burned her bra. Finally, they came to a circle placing their hands over Fiona's as (name), Donkey and Puss joined in.

As Fiona and the princesses left Donkey, Puss, and (name) headed to a zoo setting Donkey's kids free. As they found the gate that was keeping children trapped, they smashed the lock and opened the gate. The kids noticed us and were filled with joy but instead of flying at Donkey, they tackled Puss who cried, "Help! Ow!" Donkey tried to get his kid's attention by calling out them but the kids saw him as Uncle Puss.

Next, they went to release Pinocchio from the puppet theatre machine. Donkey jumped on top of the machine with a rope and tied the rope around the bar. Puss pulled which causes the machine to fall to the side breaking it.

They Gingerbread-man from local bakery's front window looking gloom but soon as Donkey tries to release him by cutting the glass, he's overjoyed. However, Donkey was having a hard time controlling his nails when Puss sighs and breaks the glass with his hoof.

Finally managing to get everyone back together they ran close to the entrance of the castle. Donkey and Puss checked if any guards or Charming's henchmen might be passing. They turned back and Puss said, "O to the K. The coast is clear."

"Okay, people. Let's do this thing. Go Team Dy-No-Mite!" Donkey said.

"I thought we agreed to go with the name Team Super-Cool", Pinocchio interrupted.

"I recall it was Team Awesome", claimed Ginger.

"I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron", admitted Wolf.

"Alright! Alright! Alright! From henceforth, we are to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron."

"Oh god", (name) groaned while facepalming, "guys cannot we focus on more important things than choosing a name for a team?"

Ignoring (name) comment one of the pigs yelled, "Ach de Liber! There is some strange little girl over there staring at us!" They turn around but the person looking at them wasn't a girl but a boy.

"Artie?" (name) and Donkey asked together.

Arthur turned and stormed off when suddenly he's stopped by Puss. "Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hey! Where's the fire, señor?"

Artie shoved Puss back scoffing. "Oh please! Don't act so innocent. You all knew what was going on the whole time and you kept it to yourself."

Donkey rushed to Puss's side confessing, "Artie, it's not like it seems."

Artie stopped and turned to look at them. "It's not? I think it's pretty clear. He was using me, that's all there is to it."

"Using you?" Donkey questioned, "Man, you don't get it."

(name) walked close the duo while Puss was saying, "Shrek only said those things to protect you."

"Charming was going to kill you, Artie. Shrek saved your life."

Artie stopped hesitating until he turned around to look at (name) and asked, "Is it true, (name)?"

(name) turned to look at Donkey and Puss saying, "Go ahead. I'll catch you up." Donkey and Puss left with the others to the castle. (name) walked to Arthur and looked at him. "Shrek was ready to give up his right for the throne when the King offered it to him. It was his idea to go look for another heir."

Artie sighed deep and rubbed his face. "I'm such a loser."

(name) chuckled and said, "True but I like losers."

Artie turned to look (name) smiling. As they glance at each other they start to lean closer until (name) lowered their head against Artie's chest chuckling. "We should go."

"True. Shrek is in trouble", Artie admitted while chuckling.

The two teens rushed inside the castle as they decided to proceed to the backstage. They saw everyone else has just arrived to rescue Shrek but then Charming called for backup and his henchmen arrived. As they proceed to go to the light tower, (name) stopped and came up with an idea. Artie noticed (name) wasn't behind him and climbed back. "(name), c'mon! We got to help him!"

"You go first."

"What?"

"You'll be fine. This is your chance."

"What are you talking about? I can't fight against all of them. I don't even have a sword."

"What makes you think you need a sword?"

Artie caught up what (name) was talking about and said with a smile, "Okay. I'll do my best."

"Go for it!"

Then Artie climbed up to the tower while (name) went behind the towering prop hearing everything. The dragon noticed them but (name) put a finger on their mouth signaling to stay quiet.

Charming ordered, "You will not ruin things this time, ogre. Kill it!"

Before they could come any closer to Shrek Artie shouted, "Everybody stop!" A spotlight is turned on and its beam is directed to the stage where Charming was yelling, "Oh, what's now?!"

"Artie?" Shrek questioned.

The audience gasped while following the young man coming up to the stage. Standing in front of the spotlight Artie jumped from cloud props to another and grabbed on a rope and landed safely to the ground. "Who thinks we need to settle things this way?"

The henchmen looked at each other for a while until they all raised their hands.

"You're telling me you just want to be villains your whole life?"

Hook came forward-pointing, "But we are villains. It's the only thing we know."

"Didn't you ever wished to be someone else?"

"Well, it's easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree", addressed one of the living trees. Frustrated Charming stormed in front of them groaning, "Oh morons! Don't listen to him. Attack him!" But other trees shushed Charming by grabbing him and covering his mouth while saying, "What Steve is here trying to say is that it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world is against you."

"Right. Thanks, Ed."

"Ok, fair enough. I'm not a talking tree. But, you know, a good friend of mine once told me that just because people treat you like a villain or an ogre or just some loser", Artie said and turned to look at Shrek, "it doesn't mean you are one." Artie turned to glance at every henchman saying, "The thing that matters most is what you think of yourself. If there's something you want or someone you want to be, the only person standing in your way is you."

Artie pointed at one guy who asked, "Me?"

"Get him, lads!"

"No, no! What I mean is each of you is standing in your own way."

They hummed in clarification and let the guy go. A headless horseman came forward and said, "I've always wanted to play the flute."

The evil queen released Queen Lillian and said, "I'd like to open up a spa. In France!"

"I grow daffodils and they're beautiful", said Hook and dropped his sword on the ground. Other henchmen glanced at each other and joined in disarming themselves. Everyone was freed and all of them acted friendly towards one another.

(name) joined in and approached Shrek and Artie until they saw Charming charging at Artie. They grabbed a sword and rush in front of Artie before Charming managed to hit him blocking his attack.

"(name)!" Artie shouted.

Charming's and (name)'s sword were pressed against one another and each one of them was trying to push the other one back. Charming stomped on (name)'s feet.

"OW!" (name) shouted and then Charming pushes them, falling on Artie who managed to catch them.

Charming charged again but this time he was stopped by Shrek who captured his sword with shackles. Charming turned to look at him as both of them were trying to pull the other at them. They struggled for a while and circled when Charming charged and dug the sword into Shrek. Everyone gasped as Shrek took the hit and crashed down.

"A new era finally begins!" Charming shouted while walking in front of the audience.

Artie, Fiona, and (name) turned to look at Shrek who glanced back at them smiling.

"Now, all of you, bow before your king!"

As the audience gasped Shrek came behind Charming. "Ahem," Shrek said clearing his throat which caused Charming to turn around jumping, "you need to work on your aim." Shrek pulled the sword under his arm and lifted Charming up by his collar.

"This was supposed to be my happily ever after!"

"Well, I guess you need to keep looking", Shrek said while glancing lovingly at Fiona, "cause I'm not giving up mine." Shrek shoved Charming aside. The dragon hit the tower with her tail which caused the tower to fall on Charming. "Mommy", said Charming before the tower landed on him.

The crown rolled around until Artie stopped it with his foot and picked it up. Shrek walked over to him, "It's yours if you want it. But this time you decide." Artie glanced at (name) who was smiling at him. He turned back and stepped to the front of the stage. Holding the crown up high for a while the audience overjoyed and he placed the crown on his head. Some of the pirates walked to him lifting him while everyone chanted his name.


	11. Your Majesty

As people scattered around Artie was joined by Queen Lillian and the princesses. "You did a wonderful job, Arthur. I'm sure you're going to be a great king."

"Thank you, Queen Lillian."

"Artie!" Donkey and Puss shouted in unison. Artie turned to look at the animal duo.

"We're back to ourselves!" Donkey cheered.

"Except our tails", Puss said while showing his tail which was Donkey's tail.

"But still!"

"I'm glad and thanks, guys. You know, for believing in me", Artie said.

"No problemo!" Donkey said.

"We got your back", Puss added.

"Yeah", Artie said while chuckling until realizing something. "Umm..." he said while looking around, "you know where (name) is?"

Donkey and Puss looked at themselves smiling.

Confused Artie asked, "What?"

The animal duo turned their head back the new King chuckling when Donkey said, "Don't worry."

"They haven't got far", Puss said.

Confused Artie looked at both of them while waiting for the answer.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(name) was sitting by the balcony. They looked at the stars that filled the sky with light and gleam. Last time they were here, they feared the future that was nearing but for some reason this time everything felt more peaceful. (name) heard footsteps approaching them but they didn't turn around.

"Donkey and Puss told me I would find you here."

"I usually hide here whenever I need to clear my thoughts", (name) said and turned to look at Artie who glanced back.

"What are you thinking right now?" Artie asked while sitting next to them.

"Tomorrow. I don't have any plans for it but I'm not afraid of it anymore."

"What changed your mind?"

"I don't know. Maybe a certain king made me realize a few things."

Artie and (name) stared at each other for a while until Artie asked, "So, what now?"

"That's the fun part, I don't know. I could travel or go to school."

"What about Shrek and others?"

"They'll be focusing on their family lives and now, I need to find my place."

"Well, could it be here?"

"Maybe, that depends on a certain king."

"Well, if it's okay for you and then I would like to ask you to stay here."

"I would love to."

Artie chuckled, "Can I also ask another thing?"

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Is it okay for you if we would kiss?"

"I think it would be completely okay for me."

Artie leaned in while holding (name)'s chin as they kissed and shared a tender loving moment. They broke the kiss and placed their foreheads against each other, eyes closed. It was a wonderful night, for both of them and it was only the start of their shared life-long adventure.


End file.
